


Though I Slip Away

by Cas_tellations



Series: Through Starry Skies and Tortured Hearts [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (and then when they go to space they finally get together), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Space Gays, Terminal Illnesses, breaking up, keith and shiro are buddies!, not even that much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 23:31:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15375807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_tellations/pseuds/Cas_tellations
Summary: Shiro's always thought of himself as a brave person.But it's hard to be brave when you have a terminal illness and a boyfriend who can't support you if you decide to go on one last mission to deep space. The entire Garrison is telling him that he shouldn't go on the mission, he's not strong enough - he might put the mission in jeopardy.He thought he was brave, but through all this he discovers that he's just scared shitless.





	Though I Slip Away

**Author's Note:**

> HEY SO SHIROS GAY
> 
> I'm writing this pre s7 so if anything's inaccurate, that's why! I whipped this up to celebrate Shiro's gayness, and also to explore his exboyfriend, Adam. I think that he will be a really interesting character!

 

Shiro has always thought of himself as a brave man. He’s always thought of himself as the type of person that could take every punch that the world could throw at him; he always thought that he could rise up and become stronger than whatever challenges he had to face. He’s always thought that he is courageous and selfless and bold.

 

But now - now, he’s scared shitless.

 

Because it’s dark and his muscles are cramping so painfully that tears have begun to gather in the corners of his eyes. He tries to focus solely on breathing, sucking in air through his parted lips, but another spasm overtakes him and he lets out a pained gasp. His electro stimulators are on the other side of the room, he had taken them off for a shower last night and had forgotten to put them back on.

 

He’d been doing so good, too. This hasn’t happened in a while. Usually it was just the muscle twitches - which yes, were inconvenient and annoying, but at least they didn’t hurt. And yes, sometimes his voice slurred and was hard to understand, but he can usually get that under control. He even takes medication to help prevent to worst of it. He had to get it specially approved by the Garrison, but he has it and takes it and it’s _good._ He’s been doing so _good._

 

He takes a huge, deep breath and reaches one hand under his extra pillow, groping around for a second before his fingers catch on the edge of his communications device. He pulls it closer, unlocking it with his fingerprint. He turns his head, propped up on two pillows, so that he can awkwardly look at the screen.

 

4:32AM. _Great._ He has a final exam in… five hours. Just perfect.

 

He taps on Adams name, pausing as another roll of pain washes over him. He rides it out, tears streaking their way across his cheeks.

 

4:34AM-Shiro: _cn u come hr._

 

The pain medication is on the other side of the room, and Shiro always used to consider himself a brave person but now it’s too early in the morning and the darkness surrounding him confirms the worst of his fears. His muscles are giving out on him and he knows that it’s only a matter of time until his disease takes over complete control of his body.

 

Minutes pass before Shiro hears the doors to his room being opened.

 

“Takashi?” Adam’s voice is so soft. Shiro almost sobs. “I’m turning on the lights now. It’s okay.” the last words catch in Adam’s throat and Shiro can tell that the man he loves is trying to desperately to keep it all together - to be strong, but he’s just as scared as Shiro.

 

That’s the drill. They’ve been through this before. Lights first, then whatever else Shiro needs.

 

The lights are turned on slowly, and Adam keeps them at a dim setting. Shiro can’t turn his head to look, but he hears Adam walking over with careful footsteps.

 

His cool hand is a blessing against Shiro’s sweat-covered forehead.

 

“Pain meds?” Shiro forms his words carefully, “everything hurts so much babe I’m-” Another spasm overtakes him and Adam disappears to the other end of the room where he knows the medication is.

 

When he comes back he presses a kiss to Shiro’s cheek. He manuvers himself into bed beside Shiro, close enough that Shiro can feel the warmth radiating off of him, but far enough away so that he doesn’t accidently jostle Shiro. He used one hand to brush Shiro’s hair away from his face, and uses the other to pop open the bottle of pills.

 

He shakes one out and presses it to Shiro’s lips. He swallows it dry.

 

“We should get you to the med bay.” Adam says gently, “they would be able to help more than I am.” He doesn’t stop running his fingers through Shiro’s hair. “God, Shiro.”

 

The medication takes effect quickly and Shiro pulls himself as close to Adam as he can. The other man wraps himself around Shiro, stroking a hand down his back and tangling their legs together.

 

“I love you.” Adam whispers when Shiro is on the brink of sleep.

 

“I love you too. Thank you so much.” Shiro murmurs. He falls asleep surrounded by comfort. It’s okay to not be brave all the time; he has someone who will take care of him when he’s too scared to be courageous.

 

Morning comes far too quickly.

 

Shiro’s alarm goes off - a loud, blaring sound that haunts his dreams.

 

“For _fucks_ sake.” Adam hisses, and Shiro can’t help but smile. “Someone needs to get me a coffee. And then dump an energy drink in it. Stat.” He says with a groan.

 

“Hey, at least you don’t have an test in an hour.” Shiro says good-naturedly.

 

“Simulation or written?”

 

“Written.” Shiro replied. “Astrophysics.” It’s their final year at the Garrison. It’s the last test that Shiro will ever have to write on astrophysics, thank god.

 

“Fun stuff. All my finals are in the afternoon this year.” Adam says with a grin. “I aced the simulation one yesterday. My teammate was sloppy and messy, but _man,_ with me there we really killed it.”

 

Shiro punches him half-heartedly. “ _I_ was your teammate yesterday.”

 

“Yeah.” Adam grins wolfishly, ducking his head close to Shiro’s, “ _very_ sloppy what you did in your pa-”

 

Shiro blushes, surging up to cut Adam off with a kiss. Adam lets him, for a moment, before pulling away.

 

“You were so ready to skip the test so that I could finish getting you off.” he ducks down to press their lips together again. Chast.

 

“But I made us go and you just-”

 

Shiro grabs him by the front of his pajamas top, yanking him forwards. Adams lips are always so warm, they’re always so soft.

 

“Very sloppy teammate.” Adam smirks, “your _stuff_ was everywhere.”

 

“You know,” Shiro says against adam’s mouth, “you should really just shut up and kiss me.”

 

“Sir, yes, sir.” Adam says with mock seriousness. But within the next five minutes, he’s the one whining into Shiro’s mouth, begging him not to stop.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s harder, when Shiro has to leave his room to go take his test. Adam’s cheerful and cocky presence isn’t there to distract him from the darker thoughts. Shiro feels so small, walking down the long hallways all alone. He knows that his disease is getting stronger. It’s just a matter of time - the doctors say that in a few short years his physical health will likely spiral downwards. Shiro has no idea how he’s supposed to deal with that, but he’ll cross the bridge when he gets to it.

 

It would make it nearly impossible to find work, which would make it nearly impossible to pay for him medication and possible future surgeries. His family helps him when they can, and he knows that they’ll always support him financially in every way that they possibly can, but they’re not rich. It’s going to be hard enough for his parents to save up enough money to send his two twin sisters to university, let alone finding any extra money to help support their disabled son.

 

He and Adam will make it work. As long as Adam doesn’t figure out that being with Shiro isn’t worth it. As long as Shiro doesn’t get on that  flight to Kerberos. Again with the dark thoughts. Maybe he should schedule an appointment with one of the counsellors at the Garrison.

 

He sighs. His feet feel so heavy, the exhaustion creeping up on him. The electro stimulators on his wrists itch.

 

“Shiro! Wait up!”

 

Shiro turns and smiles as Keith barrels down the hallways towards him. There’s a nasty looking bruise blooming just under his left eye, and his upper lip is split.

 

“You look rough.” Shiro says. They start walking down the hall, side by side, “what have I told you about picking fights?” He has to push down to urge to make Keith stop so that he can get a good look at the wounds and patch him up. The last time he fussed over Keith getting hurt he had frowned so hard that Shiro was worried that there would be permanent angry lines embedded into Keith’s forehead.

 

“They were the ones who picked the fight.” Keith says, “they were picking on one of the new kids. Who the fuck does that?”

 

“Fair enough.” Shiro says.

 

“Besides.” Keith counters. “You look like you haven’t slept in two years.”

 

“Couldn’t sleep.” Shiro grimaces.

 

Keith is silent for a moment, then, “oh. Is it - um.”

 

“My disease?” Shiro fills in.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It was.” Shiro says, “it hurts a lot sometimes. But Adam’s still here for now, so he was able to come over and give me a hand with it.”

 

Shiro had put off telling keith about his sickness for a long time. It was nice, being able to hang out around someone and not having them worry about him. Keith was one of the only people who would actual spar with him and not hold back. Even if Keith was half his size, he used his speed to his advantage and could throw a mean punch. Eventually though, he had to tell Keith because he had overheard Commander Holt standing up for him in his office. The Garrison didn’t want Shiro to go on the mission. It was dangerous Shiro, and more than that it was dangerous for the sake of the mission itself. He’ll never forget the look of heartbreak and sadness that had spread over Keith's face when he told him that he was sick.

 

To his credit though, Keith didn’t treat him any differently.

 

“Why is he only here for now?”

 

Adam had told him that if he decided to go on the mission, he shouldn’t expect him to be there when he came back. It was just a matter of time, after all, until everything falls apart. But Shiro knows that he can still count on Adam, at least for now. Until the second he makes the final decision to leave.

 

Shiro lets out a small huff of breath. “I’m dying, Keith. Once he starts to see that, he’s going to leave. Besides, he- he told me he’d leave if I went to Kerberos. I don’t blame him”

 

Keith recoils as if he’d been slapped. “You’re not dying.” he says ferociously, “you’re sick but that doesn’t mean you’re dying. And Adam is so _stupid_ if he doesn’t want you.” After a moment he adds, “and even if he does leave, _I_ won’t.”

 

Shiro’s hand shakes slightly when he places it on Keith’s shoulder, but it doesn’t shake because of his muscles. He wipes at his eyes with the sleeve of his other arm, “thank you, Keith.” he squeezes his shoulder once before letting his arm fall back down to his side.

 

“I gotta go get food.” keith says as they come up to an intersection in the hallway, “can we meet up for lunch?”

 

“Of course.” Shiro says, “I’ll get some pizza.”

 

“Finally something other than mac n’ cheese,” Keith jokes, “i’ll meet you on the roof then.”

 

Keith waves at him as they part ways, a massive smile upon his battered face.

 

* * *

 

 

Just because Commander Holt wants Shiro to go on the expedition to Kerberos, that doesn’t necessarily mean that Shiro will actually be accepted into the Kerberos mission. Shiro is only too aware of this, and he knows that Mr. Holt wants to give him this mission _now,_ because sometime soon in the future Shiro’s health is going to start declining. Shiro wants nothing more than to go, this is going to be his last chance to see the stars up close. To go that far into space, farther than he’s ever been before - it’s his dream. That’s been the one thing he’s wanted, ever since he went stargazing with his Grandpa when he was four years old, well before he was diagnosed. To discover new places, to go farther than any man has ever before.Watching the launch of the rocket to one of Jupiter’s moons had been the cherry on top, the deciding factor. He was going to the stars even if it killed him.

 

His Grandpa had died, a few short weeks after Shiro’s seventh birthday, but Shiro will always hold his memories close, because it was his Grandpa who first introduced him to the stars.

 

He’d worked his ass off to get to where he is today, where he stands a fighting chance to make it onto the most sought-after mission in the whole world. He’d applied as soon as the position had opened, without asking for anybody’s opinion. He had gone to the interview and done the physical and mental examinations that were required.

 

His technical scores are through the roof. He had absolutely no problem with completing the mandatory simulation test in half the time of any of the other contesters.

 

He would let himself get his hopes up if his physical health isn’t what it is. He would let himself this that he got in _if_ he wasn’t sick.

 

The world is against him for this one. Adam doesn’t want him to go, he’d said so clearly enough. But Shiro also knows that Adam doesn’t expect Shiro to pass the physical exams in the first place. The Garrison doesn’t want to put such an important mission in jeopardy.

 

At least Commander Holt is on his side.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but when he goes to his mailbox after his written test that day, his stomach still jumps when he sees the official looking envelope from the Garrison. It’s thin. Is that good? Is there a difference in thickness of letters depending on if the answer to something is yes or no?

 

He can’t seem to calm his racing heart.

 

He tucks it into the inner pocket of his jacket and heads out to go pick up the pizza he had ordered.

 

Keith is waiting for him on the roof as he always is, and they talk and laugh about nothing in particular.

 

When Shiro pulls the letter out of his pocket, Keith says, “did you get in?”

 

“Don’t know.” Shiro replies, “I haven’t looked yet.”

 

“Why not? C’mon, open it now.”

 

Shiro fiddles with his electro stimulators, playing for time. Keith rolls his eyes, grabbing the letter from Shiro’s hands. He rips open the envelope and unfolds the paper, his eyes scanning it quickly.

 

“Shiro.” Keith’s eyes are bright. Excited, happy. “You got in.”

 

Then, “ _god,_ they sent you an acceptance _letter._ Bit old fashioned, considering this is the Garrison.” Keith laughs.

 

* * *

 

 

“I got in.” Shiro tells Adam that night.

 

“You’re going on the mission?” He says. His voice is so cold.

 

“I know what you said before, but babe I-”

 

“You want me to reconsider?”

 

“You know how much this means to me.” Shiro says. He’s pleading now, he can hear it in his voice. His electro stimulator on his wrists beep out a warning. They’re running low on battery.

 

“You should plug those in.” Adam says, “god, Takashi. Why do you do this to yourself.” He doesn’t phrase it as a question. His head is in his hands.

 

“I didn’t choose to become chronically ill!” Shiro says. His voice cracks and Adam looks sorry.

 

“You could die out there.” Adam says, “for fuck’s sake, Shiro. I can’t deal with not knowing if you're going to come back alive or dead. Not again. Now, more than ever. You’re sicker than you were before - you’re in more pain.”

 

“Adam… this mission is everything to me. Commander Holt fought so hard so that I would be able to do this. It’s my last mission before I… Before I’m not strong enough to do anything like this ever again.” Shiro wants to cry.

 

“You’re already not strong enough.” Adam sighs. “I can’t support you through this as a boyfriend. It’s too much _for me._ Okay, it’s me. It hurts so much _for me_ to see you like this. Fuck, Takashi, I’m in love with you.  I know I’m selfish, but I want to… I want you to -” He breaks off and muffles a cry in his hands. Shiro averts his eyes.

 

Shiro is sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s just taken his meds that should help the pain during the night, and his electro stimulators are plugged in, charging up so that they can keep his muscles relatively loose and relaxed. It’s early in the evening, and Shiro should be studying for his test tomorrow, but instead he has to tell his boyfriend that he’s going on a mission in to deep space, with or without his support.

 

“Only two people are supporting me through this.” Shiro says softly. “Only two. Commander Holt and Keith. This whole Goddamn Garrison is against me. Even my family doesn’t want me to go. Do you know how this feels? _I don’t want to fight for something that I should readily have._ I am the best pilot in this whole _fucking_ building and they don’t want me because I’m sick. _They don’t want me, Adam._ ” Shiro glares at his lap, “all I want is your support.”

 

“Takashi.” Adam says slowly, “I told you that I can’t support you if you go through with this. You mean the world to me. I-I thought you were going to be the man I ended up marrying. But not knowing if you’re going to come back… shit, Takashi. Even you can’t ask me to go through that kind of suffering.”

 

“This mission means everything to me.” Shiro says, “I’m going. I got accepted and I’m going.”

 

“Okay.” Adam says, standing up. He has tears in his eyes, “okay. Then I’m gone”

 

As he heads for the door, Shiro says, “I’m sorry. You know I love you.”

 

“I know.” Adam says, as he leaves. “Me too.”

 

And Shiro cries until his chest heaves for air and his muscles are tense and full of pain. He turns of the electro stimulators and tucks his pain meds under his pillow so that they’re close enough to grab. Adam has been by his side for years, ever since they were nothing but starstruck kids going through their first orientation. And now he’s gone, like dry sand through fingertips. Shiro doesn’t blame Adam, he isn’t going to hold anything against him - but it still hurts.

 

* * *

 

 

A month passes, and the day of the launch comes. Shiro has his bag packed. He sends a quick message to both Keith and Adam, telling them when the launch was, and asking them both to come. He and Adam have talked a couple times since they had broken up, but neither Adam or Shiro had ever changed their mind in their choices. Shiro makes sure that he has everything that he needs to keep his muscles in check - electro stimulators and their chargers, as well as his medication. He pockets the keys to his hoverbike.

 

Adam isn’t at the launch site when Shiro arrives.He’s disappointed, but doesn’t know why he expected Adam to pull through and come see him one last time.

 

Keith is standing there though, a little ways away from the crowd that is the Holt family. He has his hands shoved into his pockets and head tipped back, looking up at the sky. Late evening is upon them, and the heavens are bathed in hues of red and yellow.

 

“Hey.” Shiro comes up behind him, “ready to watch the launch of the greatest space mission ever?”

 

Keith grins, “no way, the greatest space mission will be when _I_ go to space.”

 

Shiro laughs, “of course. I hope I’m there to see that.”

 

“You will be.” Keith says instantly. “In fact, you’ll be my co-pilot.”

 

“Co-pilot, huh?”

 

“Yeah.” Keith says, “you’ll fly the ship when I sleep. We’ll go over to the next galaxy and meet our alien neighbors.”

 

They lapse into silence. For a few minutes, watching as an era slips away into desert dust.

 

“I should get going.” Shiro says, “I need to be on that ship, not on the ground beside it.”

 

Keith laughs, “good plan.”

 

Shiro reaches into his pocket and hands the keys to his hoverbike to Keith. “You stole my car once, I know that you’ll want to use my hoverbike. At least this way you don’t have to steal it.”

 

“Shiro, I-”

 

“Take them. Don’t let my hoverbike just sit there gathering rust.” Shiro says, walking backwards and tossing the keys at Keith. He catches them with lightning quick reflexes. “Stay outta trouble when I’m gone, yeah?”

 

“Okay.” Keith says, his voice small.

 

“Don’t give up on yourself. Make friends. Be _nice -_ yes, even to Lance. I know he gets on your nerves but please, don’t do anything stupid.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“And Keith?”

 

“I’m gonna miss you.” Shiro says.

 

“I’ll be flying with you one day.” Keith all but yells, “you’ll never have to miss me then.”

 

“See you later Keith!” Shiro says finally.

 

He turns towards the ship - towards the Holts and towards the future. Bright sunset colours wash over him and he lets the giddy, excited feeling in his stomach take over him.

 

He smiles so hard that his face hurts.

 

This mission - this mission is everything.

 

And maybe he is brave. After all, he’s going on a mission into deep space with  chronic illness, a heart freshly broken and everybody save for two people working against him. But he goes through it all courageously, feeling happier than ever.

 

The sunset disappears, giving way to an inky blue, star-studded sky, and Shiro feels as if he is flying towards the future.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just imagine after this they all go to space and Shiro and Keith fall in love. Perfect, isn't it.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! 
> 
> You can find me on:  
> Twitter - castellation_  
> Tumblr - cas-tellation


End file.
